Dad refusing to attend his only daughter's wedding for this reason praised (2024)
Watching your daughter get married is a memory most parents cherish, but one father has been supported by internet users for deciding not to attend his daughter's big day, despite being invited.
Redditors have rallied around a user who posted in the AITA (Am I The A******?) subreddit explaining that he and his wife got divorced when their daughter was 13 years old, leaving her devastated that her family was falling apart.
It was four years later when he met their current wife, which the daughter couldn't forgive and she has held a grudge ever since, as she had hoped that her parents would one day reconcile. The poster and his wife now have two sons together, who his daughter has refused to ever meet.
"My daughter who is 27 is getting married in August. She hasn't invited my wife or our children. I'm very hurt and I told her that since my family wasn't welcome, I shouldn't be welcome too," the father wrote. "She was angry with me and has called me crying, saying that I'm an AH for doing this to her since who is going to walk her down the aisle?"
The Redditor added that his daughter "never liked my wife" despite how much effort his spouse tried to put in with her stepdaughter.
"Now my wife and our small children aren't welcome to her wedding. Everyone else is invited, including her mum's new BF and his sons," he wrote. "She told me that she was free to invite whoever she wanted on her big day, and I totally agree with her and support her decision, but then shouldn't I also be free to decline the invitation?"
After choosing to take a firm stance on the matter, the Reddit user posted an update to further explain why they feel this is the daughter's problem, not his own.
He explained in the update that his daughter "has made zero effort to have any relationship with me since she moved out." It seems that the daughter's response about walking her down the aisle hit a nerve as it showed where her priorities lie.
"She has refused to meet her two brothers and even now, she isn't that much interested in me attending as much as having her father walking her [down the aisle] because it would be embarrassing otherwise. It's time my daughter learned that actions have consequences," the Redditor wrote.
Upon receiving a wedding invitation from a close relative, it's usually an immediate "yes." Family dynamics can sometimes cause strife, however, and make it a more difficult decision.
Wedding expert and blogger Jean Neuhart, who spent 27 years planning weddings, is familiar with the difficulty of saying no to an invitation.
"Children not being invited to a wedding is a poor reason to decline attending yourself, as child-free weddings are quite common. Although, it is understandable for someone to decline an invitation that didn't include their spouse," Neuhart told Newsweek.
"It seems apparent that there is some underlying animosity. What if the only animosity that the daughter has with her parent is the current wife and children? His taking a stand and refusing to attend her wedding is an extreme reaction," she said.
While the wedding expert acknowledges that scenarios like this aren't easy to manage, she is cautious of creating an even further rift with the daughter.
"It is a decision that could drive a further wedge between them and be one they'll likely come to regret," Neuhart said.
Fellow Reddit users offered their support for the OP, as one user commented: "If their relationship with daughter ends, it is her fault solely. She's an adult now. Her father and his wife have children."
Another insisted that OP shouldn't create any irreversible damage to the relationship: "This will probably be the death knell for your relationship. I totally understand why you would hesitate going to the wedding. It's just good to have your eyes wide open and know what this means."
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Traditionally, he has two brief assignments: to walk his daughter down the aisle and to give a toast (which usually follows the best man's) come the reception. But if he wants to do more for the bride—especially on the wedding day—he certainly can.
Express how much you love and cherish your daughter. Remind them of how you've treasured your relationship together and how you think that relationship may be evolving or staying exactly the same.
Fathers tried to marry their daughters off to acquire more land, titles and increase social status, but they also had to provide a dowry for their daughter. A dowry could include anything from money to land, and the larger the dowry the more desirable the girl was to her future husband and his family.
It's a moment of thankfulness for the beautiful journey they've had together. Emotions can sometimes become overwhelming for a father during his daughter's wedding. The blend of joy, nostalgia, pride, protectiveness, and gratitude can bring tears to his eyes.
Traditionally, parents pay for children's weddings. Although the bride's side will cater for most expenses, this is not mandatory. Again, there's no set age at which parents should stop paying for their children's weddings. In our opinion, parents should chip in what they feel comfortable, no matter the age.
Traditionally speaking, the father of the bride is usually responsible for covering the cost of an entire wedding—but these days, anything goes and couples can choose to pool from multiple resources when financing their celebration.
What Should A Father Of The Bride Speech Include? A traditional father of the bride speech includes a few key elements such as welcoming the guests, anecdotes and compliments about your daughter, a welcome to your new son-in-law or daughter-in-law, words of advice and a toast to the new couple.
"Initially, in the previous era, the father would have the first dance with his daughter and then 'give her away' to her husband," Mae explains. "As culture evolved, many couples opted for the first dance to be theirs. Now, you will find the father-daughter dance taking place right after the newlywed's first dance."
Fathers serve as the first male figure and role models in their daughter's life. This is why a loving and strong father-daughter relationship can positively impact a girl's assertiveness and self-confidence.
So, the impact of fathers on daughters also depends on their ability to lead by example. Research has consistently shown that daughters who grow up with positive male role models have many advantages. They tend to have healthier self-images, more successful relationships, and greater confidence in their abilities.
After God created Eve from Adam, he united them together as the first married couple in human history. Genesis offers a parenthetical note on the nature of marriage itself: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).
If this seems old-fashioned, that's because it is: The practice dates back to the days when a woman was viewed as the property of her father, and he gave her away on the wedding day in exchange for a dowry.
What is a good thing to say to a daughter at her wedding during the daddy-daughter dance? "I love you, I'm proud to be your father, you are as intelligent as you are beautiful, you always make the right choices…." Any or all of these are good.
The research strongly suggests that fathers may be far less attentive to sons emotional needs than daughters. Daughters feel their emotional needs met by their fathers. They feel his approval when they're happy, and also are more likely to be attended to when they're sad.
Traditionally, the father of the bride is financially responsible for the wedding. Nowadays, that's not always the case, and that's okay. Sometimes the bride and groom will contribute, as well the parents of the groom. Even if you're not paying for the wedding, offer to help deliver payments to the vendors.
He walks down the aisle and “gives her away” to her new husband. Some are omitting this part of the old ceremony as she is not a piece of furniture. He usually partipates in the father daughter dance and then dances with her mother. He often pays for the ceremony .
Should the Bride's Parents Give a Wedding Gift? While not required, it's customary for the bride's parents to give a wedding gift. A gift shows their excitement for the couple starting this new chapter.
“Ideally, the parents are able to communicate on wedding finance between themselves and work out a mutually acceptable arrangement,” says Foss. “But if that isn't possible, then you should speak with the parents in question to find out what they can or are willing to contribute toward the cost of the wedding.
Introduction: My name is Pres. Carey Rath, I am a faithful, funny, vast, joyous, lively, brave, glamorous person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.
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